No Creed But…

This is just funny. (Hat tip to This Millenial Life), somebody has taken it upon themselves to write down the Semi-Pelagian Narrower Catechism. My favorite is Q&A #22:

22. Q: Hath God predestined vessels of wrath to Hell?
A: God hath never performed such an omnipotent act, for any such thing would not reflect His primary attribute, which is Niceness.


17 Responses

  1. i like 1…and 2…and 3…ah, the whole thing is great. you gotta love the “salvation culture.” i think rick posted that a while ago, didn’t he?

    you still have not named for me your grandfather, have you?

    now i know what “HT” means! man, i am so not cyber-hip.


  2. My favorites are 9, 23, 31. I’ll say that 35 goes a tad, just a tad, too far, even though the inevitable reply will be that it would be just like me to think something so ridiculous.

  3. Such a contradictory teaching; for right there in the New Testament, we are told that “there are vessels created unto honor and vessels created unto destruction.” And, as God said in the Old Testament, “Even I created evil.” Therefore, it makes sense that the vessels (humans) created evil were designed to teach the vessels of honour what it is God “hates with a perfect (justified) hate.

    It behooves professed Christians to study the Bible as God instructed (see blog article “How to Study God’s Word”), as opposed to simply taking some man’s word that stands in the pulpit. God does not judge us by what that preacher or priest or evangelist says; He judges us by His Word.

    Thank you for posting this enlightening piece. It further confirms that religion is not God: only His Holy Word is of God.

    Much love in Christ :)

  4. @zrim: actually, I did, however, you can’t be expected to follow up on every thread on which you’ve ever made a comment!

    @Forester: I think a number of them go too far; for instance most of the songs that it makes fun of are fine (especially for children — my #2 loves to shout “B-I-B-L-E, that’s the book for me” all the time), but once you start including call-and-response songs as catechism questions, it’s fun (and funny) to maintain the conceit.

    @Bonnie: Thx for dropping by!

  5. for instance most of the songs that it makes fun of are fine (especially for children — my #2 loves to shout “B-I-B-L-E, that’s the book for me” all the time)

    Agreed — actually I thought that myself. But I think the author’s point is that we’re not supposed to stop at milkish understanding, but instead progress to meat. Which itself should be tempered with an understanding that we are to approach God as children.

    I wonder why my avatar doesn’t show up on this thread.

  6. 1. ah, bob. well, can’t say i could pick him out of a line up but i certainly know the name. calvin is quite large and we joke about how we ask 15 year vets if they “enjoyed their visit today.”

    2. uh, bonnie worries me…“God’s mouth is the pen of a willing writer. ~ Psalms. Author Bonita M Quesinberry, R.C.: Age 62, 2 children, 5 grandchildren, twin-great grandsons and one on the way; 30+ years of Spirit led Bible research and study with specific emphasis on “weightier matters” of God’s Law and interpreting Bible prophecies: a “babe” as it were, taught by no man.”

    taught by no man? methinks bonnie sympathetic to the “no creed but christ, no confession but the bible, man alone on a hill with his bible…or woman, in her case” stuff. she also seems to have something in common with mary baker eddy with regard to her health. sorry, bonnie. you worry me.


  7. zrim,

    When trying to place Bob Settergren, think old-timer. He’s been there since before 1948.

    As for the semi-pelagian creed, RubeRad, your cousin “Stranger” posted this in her blog back before there were blogs.

  8. Echo loves 35.

  9. I liked 27, but most of the list creeped me out. I’d like to know how much of this was tongue-in-cheek and how much was actual heart-felt mocking of evangelicals.

    Here’s one of my pet peeves. The evangelist says, “With every head bowed and every eye closed, if you prayed that prayer of faith, just slip up your hand and slip it down. We’re not here to embarass anyone. Yes, I see that hand, and another, God bless you and you and you. Now, if you really meant business with God, get up out of your seat and come down to the front. Jesus said “If you deny me before men, I’ll deny you before My father in Heaven. Jesus died publically on a cross for you. Who’s our first brave soul that will step out into the aisle and come down to the front?”

    Good old fashioned “bait and switch”.

  10. I’m sure all of it was tongue-in-cheek heart-felt mocking.

    All’s fair — you should post your little Calvinist ditty on your blog sometime. Not Que sera sera, the other one.

  11. Regarding post #1 — We are not ashamed of the Gospel. Why? for it is the power of God unto salvation to everyone who believes. Don’t you agree that the two most important categories of people are “saved” and “lost”? Didn’t Jesus come to “seek and SAVE the lost?” Huh? Am I missing something here?

  12. Yes, I appreciate sarcasm…obviously…but it creeps me out to see salvation mocked…weird.

  13. As to posting my poem dedicated to Calvin…it would take all of 10 minutes before I had every hard-core Calvinist on the internet thundering down and crashing my poor little “faith is not a work” website. :-)

    Had a good day on Sunday in church…tonight I preach the opening semester chapel service for a missionary language school. You Calvinists will be pleased to hear that I am preaching on “God’s Destiny for Your Life”.

  14. Another pet peeve of mine: when a pastor says “Let’s pray,” everyone bows their head, then the pastor commences in a little pre-praying counsel directly to your soul. Buddy, I don’t shut my eyes and bow my head to listen to no one but God.

    Whenever that happens I raise my head again and glare straight back at the pastor until he begins actually praying.

  15. Yeah, or youth pastors that use prayer as “crowd control” — “Hey, shutup guys, we’re gonna pray now! “Lord thank you that we have honored you enough to be quiet before you and stop giving the freshmen wedgies.”

  16. “You Calvinists will be pleased to hear that I am preaching on “God’s Destiny for Your Life”.

    Be even more pleased if you added a little something:

    “God’s Destiny for Your Life… provided that fits in with your plans, of course”.


  17. 40 days of purpose…

    God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. We call this your destiny.

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